Meme The First!

[samanthahirr]

I've never done a meme before. Let's see how it goes! Via arsenicjade's journal:

Pick one of my fics, and I'll give you three details that didn't make it into the fic. Background canon, deleted scenes, or a look into the future. My choice, but if you have a specific question you can ask it in your request.

Comments

Diptych - Adam has ~Issues

[samanthahirr.livejournal.com]

In the fic, Kris reported that the FBI's Behavioral Analysts thought Adam had borderline Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Brad, Kris, and Adam respond to that diagnosis with disbelief, because how could it possibly be right, given how much Adam seems to dislike his personal appearance without makeup, clothes, and jewelry?

But here's the thing: Kris didn't retain (or understand) which type of NPD Adam seemed to resemble. The FBI's assessment isn't actually wrong. I almost included the following definition as an end note to help the reader understand Adam's behavior and mindset after the fact. (Remember, he's only borderline.)

Compensatory Narcissist – "The origins that undergird their overtly narcissistic behaviors derive from an underlying sense of insecurity and weakness, rather than from genuine feelings of self-confidence and high self-esteem. …seek to fill their sense of emptiness by creating an illusion of superiority and by building up an image of high self-worth. …these narcissists are prone to feel shamed and humiliated, especially hyperanxious and vulnerable to the judgments of others. They 'know' that they are frauds at some level, pretenders who seek to convey impressions of being of higher standing than they know is truly the case. Despite this awareness, they do not act shy and hesitant, as would seem likely. Instead, they submerge and cover up their deep sense of inadequacy and deficiency by pseudo-arrogance and superficial grandiosity." - Millon, T. (1996). Disorders of personality: DSM-IV and beyond (2nd Edition). New York. John Wiley & Sons.

Adam's borderline disorder developed when he was young. In high school, he felt like an outcast, unattractive and unloved. He started dealing drugs in high school so he could feel popular; he became the go-to guy everyone was happy to know. He moved to Los Angeles and fell in with a small-time fence who introduced him to a higher paying, higher class of addiction: art and antiquities. Present day, Adam strives to be attractive and important to everyone, to be special and memorable on a daily basis, but deep down he still considers himself unlovable trash. He's terrified that Kris will realize Adam's a fraud and turn his back on him, like Kris did with the Church.

Unfortunately, this isn't a disorder that love alone can cure. Adam is still uptight about his personal appearance around Brad—who already knows all about Adam's self-esteem issues. Kris's love won't magically fix Adam (in fact, it initially triggers even more panic and self-doubt), but in time Adam will be able to relax a little more around Kris, and Brad and Kris will be Adam's safe space where he doesn't have to try quite as hard.

Compensatory NPD is a fascinating disorder, with the subject compensating for extreme insecurity with polar-opposite extroversion. Writing this complex narrator was a challenge for me, and I hope I was able to create a character you enjoyed reading. If you enjoyed Adam's character in the fic, please don't let this clinical assessment change that!

Re: Diptych - Adam has ~Issues

[pennilesspoet17.livejournal.com]

You did a fantastic job with Adam in this fic - it is most definitely one of my all-time favorite AU Adams. This was absolutely fascinating to read - and it compliments the way in which you presented Adam perfectly.

(Random - I used to work for the publisher of that book you referenced, LOL.)